Maybe this is my repentance after an evening of reflection upon my last entry and the comments offered by others? My recoil to the real possibility of a side of me that might selfishly want to “always be right”, which I know I have no conscious need for?
I do, as an investor have a need to question all that the church does in the name of God given the minimal impact we seem to be having, beyond those who believe the same way we do. This may not be my right and that may be what I am feeling, as I wish to harm no one.
I am just beginning to feel like a man without a country, though the vision, the possibility that God could in fact call people individually and corporately to the task of loving a city, even a region will not leave me.
Maybe the problem is my tendancy to prescribe the means? Maybe the challenge is my own gift; even the naming of the gift “prophesy”, beckons potential backlash from those who desire no change…a sort of how dare you!
It seems that my entire life has been about seeing what lies ahead and aiding those who dare to address change; the role of “second fiddle”, a role I think I play well, but, one with little control of outcomes when the push back on leadership becomes too great.
That would be okay if pushback was my signal to pull back, yet that only intensifies the inner voice of prophesy. Thus the danger of sounding as if one has all the answers, all others being wrong? This gift is no pleasant one.
Just yesterday after my posting, a similar blog entry was recommended entitled “Conversing with a Dangerous God”. The opening quote from this April 2,2009 entry said it all:
“Even a cursory reading of the Biblical Prophets uncovers some rather bold and stark images for God. My notion is that the degree of this boldness is proportional to the degree of ‘spiritual blindness’ in those first hearers. Flannery O’Connor, when asked why she creates such bizarre images in her stories, replied, ‘When you can assume that your audience holds the same beliefs as you do, you can relax a little and use more normal means of talking to it; when you have to assume that it does not, then you have to make your vision apparent by shock, to the hard of hearing you shout, and for the almost-blind, you draw large and startling figures.’ If we don’t think like this we can be tempted to sit in judgment of the writers since some of these images seem reckless and negligent.”
I often feel as if my contributions, even the entire content of the book REPO might be seen as reckless and negligent, thus my sufferings often when I reflect upon my writings.
The aforementioned contributor’s entry, identified only as “ordinarygrandeur”, is followed by a statement of great wisdom captured within the blog itself,“’Looking North’– fixing our eyes on Jesus – must mean being informed by every piece of revelation we can get our eyes on. Will you trust the ‘Good Shepherd’ to keep you and lead you as you pursue knowing the fullness of this God?”
This is my heart and hope for my readers.